Sunday, January 26, 2014

It's NOT my fault! (Or is it?)

Reading time: 3-5 minutes

"That is not my fault! You were the one who used it recently!"

"No, you were! Remember when you said you wanted to borrow it then I gave it to you?"

"Oh, come on, guys. Where's my scientific calculator? I need it NOW."

Sounds familiar?

Well it should be, more or less. There are times when we think that we're not at fault on something, because someone deserves the blame more than you do. And it's okay, knowing that all of us are human beings who don't like to be blamed even when it's really our fault.

Even apologizing is not an easy thing, don't you think? I find myself to be quite bad at apologizing when I completely accept that it is my fault. Here's why:

1. I'm afraid of rejection
Really. What scares you more than apologizing and get rejected immediately? The rejection itself is very frightening. But some people even have a big enough ego to get angry at the rejection, and not feel bad about it at all. (The power of ego )

2. What happens after the rejection
When we apologize for our faults, it's because : First, you feel bad about it, you might have hurt the other person's feelings. Why do you care? Because you don't only care about the person, but you also care about the relationship that you have. Whether it's your friends, bf/gf, family, boss, and etc. If the apology wasn't accepted, the most potential thing that could happen next is your relationship, being ruined.

But what if "your" fault.. is not yours?

No, don't react directly by pointing your finger towards either the one who accused you or the one whom you think deserves the blame, and yell at them.

You have to admit that sometimes, it just doesn't work.

Look at the situation, is it worth it? Are you losing your job because of it? If it is, you might as well fight for it. But when it's now only about you, and your big fat ego,  I'm suggesting you to think twice, or thrice, before you react.

Here are a few situations for you to consider.

1.  You're "sure"(i mean, not so sure) that you weren't the last person who used your mom's hair dryer. But now it's broken. The fact that your sister used to play around with it makes you want to blame her instead of admitting that it was probably your fault.

2. You are very sure that you put your stuff on the dining table, but now it's gone. Your mom's blaming your carelessness and bad habit of putting your stuff everywhere. You do know that your mom also has this bad habit of collecting random stuff she finds at home, automatically put them in her room/ her closet, and forget about it. Then when you try to search for your stuff. Voila! It's in your mom's closet.

How would you react to those situations?

When I was younger, I'd most likely blame someone else, not me. I'd try my best to get out of trouble or at least fulfill me ego with the "innocent" status. I'd debate, yell, and argue for that "Okay it's not your fault" thing.

Now, as I'm growing up, like I have mentioned before, it doesn't always work. I will not always get my "Innocent" status or feel relieved after I prove myself to be right.

Instead, I look at the situations like those above and consider whether it's worth fighting for or if I should just give in and take the responsibility.

So, here's what I apply.

First, if I'm not really sure that I'm 100% correct and innocent, either because I don't completely remember or my conscience is telling me that I have this tiny bit of a mistake, I would at least not blame someone else and insist about it. (Got it? Because it's my fault, too)

Secondly, If my mom forgot that she was the one who took my stuff and stored it in her closet / her room because she didn't want me to lose them, was she really at fault? She did it for me anyway. It was annoying at first (because she blamed me for what she did, for me), but I started perceiving it differently, more into the positive side.

The point is, I think we don't have to always blame people for the mistakes they have done. Sometimes it's better to take the blame instead.

I know it sounds crazy,but really,

Life is not just about how right or wrong we are. It's also how we adapt to situations and nurture relationships.

What do I know about life, right? I just turned 21. But those are just my thoughts.
What do you think?


  1. Wow, its like you were able to guess what's been going on in my life recently without me saying anything! xDD
    E and I got into a fight a few days ago, that kept escalating until we completely dropped it yesterday. We just kept getting angrier and more aggressive, to the point of hurting each other and almost breaking up. x__x Our first huge fight that neither of us wanted to lose.. but its like you said, the ego is really powerful and it can really damage relationships.. and its probably because the initial cause of the argument stops being the main focus, so nothing gets resolved until someone gets hurt..
    On the plus side, some situations like that seem to bring relationships closer once they DO get resolved, IF you can get over that bump. I guess ending up in blame-situations is just human instinct, huh? XD It's like we can never avoid them completely. @-@

    1. lol S thanks for your long comment! I have never got that from you for quite a while xD
      awww yeah I guess it only makes you stronger. Like what people say, relationships only work when both of you are fighting for it. But too much fighting is never a good thing either.
      So if both of you still do love each other i think the ego thing would come off more easily next time.. Try to be honest with each other without yelling. Okay? :3


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