Sunday, May 18, 2014

The 4D Phases of Your Reaction Towards Unwanted Changes

Reading time: 3-5 minutes

How do you actually react to those unwanted changes you have in life?

Here's what I think would be the phases that you go through once the almighty unwanted changes are right at your doorstep.
Disclaimer: This post is purely based on my personal opinions.

1. Denial

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Denial? No it is not. Everything is fine, everything is gonna be fixed like how they've always been. Well you know thesedays this kind of problem isn't that simple anymore, right? There must be something missing here and I need to find it. Everything's actually fine."

No, it is not. You know something is bothering you, but you're either too afraid to deal with it, or you just haven't fully realized that something is changing, and that change is not something you favor.

2. Disorientation

"What am I doing? Did I do this wrong? Did I do anything wrong at all? What should I focus on? Why is this not working? Wait.. what?"
When a change happens, and it has started bothering you even more, everything is a distraction. You can't focus. You're somehow reacting to this change more spontaneously with all the defense you have at the moment. And when you have done all you can and it's not working well, you finally realize that this is really happening. Moving on to the next phase.

3. Depression

" I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. I never expected this. I shouldn't have done that. I cannot deal with this anymore. What should I do to make this right? Why is everything different now?"
This is usually the phase where you're letting all of your feelings out towards the unwanted change. You know that this is really happening. It's absorbing all of your positive energy all at once. One or two things might happen, like self-blaming, or letting your angst out on others. You desperately want to stop that change but you're running out of time, energy, and ideas. What's the worst thing that can happen? If you cannot go through this phase easily (usually it's not because you can't, you just don't want to. It's so comfortable being all gloomy and diving into the depth of your agony. Right?) you will, yes you will, ruin yourself even more.

4. Dealing with it

"Okay, I got it. I did the right things, and I also did the wrong things. I have probably done my best, but change is inevitable. I have to embrace the NOW, and I know everything's always gonna change eventually. By that time, I should be ready for it. I should be ready to accept every single change that will happen in my life."
There you have it. Once you're ready to accept that change, and not to just accept it, but also to embrace it, you'll become more positive towards others and yourself. Everything really happens for a reason, or many reasons. One time it doesn't make you feel good, and another time it makes you feel damn good. Fair enough?

These phases of reaction are always there, and the length of each phase varies. You can choose to be in denial forever, or let yourself burn in anger, or try a more positive approach.

Here's the ugly truth.
You will go through these phases again, and again, and again. It never stops.
But the more you've gone through it, the stronger you have become, supposedly.

And it depends on how much you love your life. It is YOUR life after all, not anyone else's.

This is what I want to believe.
How about you?

Be kind to one another. See ya in my next post.

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Maira Gall